


Falling Walls

by jumble_of_fandoms



Category: Cockles - Fandom, Supernatural, Supernatural RPF
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-19
Updated: 2014-06-19
Packaged: 2018-02-05 09:01:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,665
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1812766
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jumble_of_fandoms/pseuds/jumble_of_fandoms
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jensen and Misha are shooting for the show when there's an accident that lands them both in the hospital. Jensen tries to come to grips with what he has been feeling for his co-star and realizes that it may be more than just friendship he feels for his friend...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Falling Walls

“Cas, what are we even doing here?” Dean yells, looking around the room. Well, it’s more like a giant barn that looks as though it could collapse at any moment. He swears he can hear the wood groaning in the still air.

“I had to get you away from everyone so I could talk to you,” Cas’ voice comes from behind Dean, causing him to spin around, trying to find him. Castiel is standing at the other end of the barn, standing in a patch of sunlight that filters through a hole in the ceiling.

“We could have just gone outside you know!” Dean really hates being angel zapped places. Always makes him constipated. “Bobby does have a giant area that’s full of places to just go talk. We’ve talked about zapping me places without tell me.”

Cas doesn’t say anything and just continues to stare at Dean. Dean sighs and kicks a rock. He isn’t necessarily mad at Cas, he just wishes the angel would understand the concept of personal space and letting someone know you’re going to do something before doing it. While Dean will admit he’s gotten better, there are definitely still some areas he needs to improve on before Dean would ever call him “normal”.

“Well, since we’re here, we might as well talk.” Dean says, he voice gruff from frustration, but Cas doesn’t move from where he stands. Dean takes a moment to actually look around and notices that the barn smells like old hay and gas.  _It’s probably an old tractor barn_ … he muses, turning around. The harder he listens though, the more it sounds like the place is falling apart.

“You did make sure this place was sound before you brought us here didn’t you?” He throws over his should in Cas’ direction.

“I do not understand what you mean by that.” Cas replies.

“You know, making sure it was stable to actually stand around in?” Dean tries to explain. “That it wasn’t going t-”

The groaning gets louder and a screech fills the air as large timbers rip from their nails, falling to the ground. Dean covers his head, trying to figure out where to run. “Dean!” Cas yells over the sound of the falling beams.

Dust thickens the air as more beams fall: the entire roof is caving in on top of them. Dean tries to run, but the beam directly over him starts to fall.

“JENSEN!”

~*~

Jensen groans, coughing as he tries to peel his eyes open. He blinks, fighting against the dust that is swirling in front of him. He tries to remember what he was doing, but all he can bring to mind is the sound of crashing wood all around him. The air is thick and his head is killing him.

Attempting to look around, he notices that he can't really move his legs. Looking behind him, he sees a large wooden beam lying across his legs. Since he isn’t in immense pain, he figures that nothing is broken. Again, he tries to think of what he was doing here, but has no idea. All he can remember is that he was supposed to be shooting today…

The dust is finally settling and he is able to look around him a bit. The shapes around him slowly turn into long beams of wood as the sun finally breaks through the dust cloud. The memory of shooting in a barn finally comes back to Jensen and he starts to panic, remembering that he was supposed to be shooting with Misha

Groaning, Jensen tries to lift himself, pushing himself up with his arms. The beam that is across his legs groans as it finally starts to shift. He quickly pulls both of his legs out when the beam is high enough and it comes crashing back down, stirring some of the dust again. Coughing and squinting, Jensen stands up, leaning against another beam that is in front of him.

“Misha?” He calls out. “MISHA!”

Jensen listens for a reply, and when he gets none, tries to remember where Misha was standing in the shot. Other areas of the barn are starting to stir as some of the crew start to move around. Jensen recognizes his name being shouted from outside but he isn’t paying much attention to anything else. One of the camera men that is close by starts to call his name, but all he can focus on is finding Misha.

“Misha! Can you hear me?” He hollers. Jensen has to find him. He has to know that he is alright. _If something has happened to him…_

Jensen starts climbing over the beams, pushing those thoughts of Misha lying broken somewhere in the collapsed barn out of his mind.

“Ah..” Jensen groans as he lifts his aching body over the piles of debris and ruins all over the place. He can feel something wet sliding down his face and knows he is bleeding from somewhere on his head. He ignores it as he continues to make his way to where he last remembers seeing Misha. He crawls past crew members, feeling awful about not stopping to check on them. He can only focus his strength on finding Misha…

The past few years have been strange between the two of them – to say the least.

When Misha first joined the cast, Jensen thought he was a little weird, but was strangely in awe of him as well. Misha was never supposed to stay on long, but the way he played Castiel amazed everyone. He put his entire soul into the character and gave him life in a way that no one had ever imagined. It was inspiring watching this man, who didn’t even know how long his character would stay on, put his entire heart and soul into such a strange character.

The longer he was around, the more comfortable Jensen and Jared were around him. He slowly wormed his way into their family and became a part of it that they never knew they needed. Even though things were great, Jensen still didn’t know how to feel about this man who could make his heart stop by just looking at him with those piercing blue eyes that haunted Jensen’s dreams.

Jensen tried to ignore the way this man made him feel. Not that he was against people who swung that way, he just knew that he didn’t and having someone create those feelings in him was… unnerving.

Crawling towards his friend though brings back all those memories and Jensen can feel himself panicking as he tries to go faster. If something happened to Misha, if he could never see those blue eyes again, he doesn’t know what he will do.

He may not be able to sort out his feelings for this strange man, but he knows that he can’t live without him. Not anymore. He needs this man in his life.

“Misha!” He calls out again, voice hoarse, hoping to hear something in return.

The dust is clogging his nose, his eyes, his ears. His legs are finally starting to ache and it is slowly spreading throughout his entire body. There is a pile of beams in front of him, lying in the last place Jensen can last remember seeing those blue eyes across from him.

Finally reaching the pile, Jensen feels a surge of adrenaline rush through him and he starts pulling the beams away, thankful for all the training he does to keep himself in shape. The beams come away, screeching as they move against on another other. They crash with deep thuds against each other as Jensen keeps moving them, not knowing what he may find underneath.

A flash of khaki catches his eyes and he concentrates his efforts on that one area. He finds a hand, an arm, a shoulder. Moving one more beam, he is finally able to see that shock of brown hair that is so dark it could be black. Right now though, it’s streaked white from all of the dust. Jensen kneels down, reaching forward to cup Misha’s cheek, feeling the soft warm skin beneath his rough hands.

“Hey, Misha,” he whispers, running his thumb over his cheek. He breathes a small sigh of relief when he notices that Misha is breathing and stands back up to start moving more of the beams. It gets harder though, his arms screaming from the effort that is required of them.

“…I’m going to get you out of here…” Jensen says, not really realizing he’s talking. “You’re going to be ok Misha, I promise, I’m going to get you out of here…” He repeats to himself until enough of the beams are cleared away that he can grab on to Misha’s shoulders. Not really wanting to do this but knowing he has to before the pile collapses even more, he slowly starts to pull the older man out from under the debris and into the small open area next to it.

Breathing hard, Jensen flops down to the ground next to Misha, trying to blink away the spots that appear before his eyes. He leans against some of the beams surrounding them and pulls Misha towards him, cradling him against his chest. He runs his thumb over Misha’s cheek again, the rest of his hand cupping his face.

“It’s ok Misha, you can wake up now,” Jensen whispers to the older man. “I’ve got you now. We’re just going to wait here until someone comes to get us. You’re safe now, I promise…”

Jensen’s breathe catches as Misha’s eyelids flutter and slowly start to open. Those blue eyes find his and he holds the gaze as best as he can, still needing to blink away the spots on the edge of his vision. Misha’s arm starts to move and his hand scrambles to hold on to something. It finally finds the edge of the coat Jensen is wearing and grips it tightly. Misha breathes hard, and Jensen watches as his eyes fill with pain, but they widen as he realizes who is holding on to him.

Jensen watches as Misha’s lips pull into a small smile that is slowly replaced by a grimace. His eyes squeeze shut and he starts to breathe even harder.

“Hey, hey it’s ok Mish…” The nickname slips out of Jensen’s lips, something he has never allowed himself to call Misha, unless he was by himself with his thoughts. Misha buries his head against Jensen’s chest, trying to find an escape for the pain that pulses through his body.

Jensen holds Misha as hard as he dares, trying to keep a hold on reality as the darkness at the edge of his vision continues to grow. He can’t pass out now, not with Misha needing him. But his own fatigue and pain starts to catch up with him and he cannot hold it back anymore.

The blue eyes looking back up at him are the last thing he sees as he finally succumbs to the darkness, his name echoing in his ears.

~*~

Jensen slowly comes to, surrounded by beeping machines and bright lights that hurt his eyes no matter how much he squints. He slowly adjusts and the beeping fades into the background. When he is able to open his eyes, blinking hard to pull himself out of wherever he was, he takes stock of what’s around him and tries to figure out where he is.

The memories of wood falling comes back to him as he realizes he is surrounded by the harsh smell of sterilizers and feels the assortment of cords and tubes that he is covered in. His mind starts to put things together and he realizes he must be in a hospital. The last thing he can remember…

“Misha!” He voice cracks as he says the name of his co-worker as loud as he can. His throat feels rough and sore, but he tries to ignore it and turns his head to the left, shocked at the sight that greats him.

There is another bed next to Jensen, close enough that he could touch it if he wanted to. There are even more tubes and wires connected to the person lying in the bed. They are so pale that they almost blend in with the white sheets that seem to swallow them whole. The shock of dark hair on top makes a stark contrast, however, it is not the same as it usually is: the color is duller than normal, the shine and luster it usually holds is missing.

Jensen continues to stare at the person until his brain finally puts a name to the shape. His heart aches and he does not want to believe what his mind is telling him, that that small man lying next to him is the strong, funny, courageous man Jensen has gotten to know so well…

Jensen continues to watch him, every day, while his world revolves around him. Doctors, crew members, Jared, and other people from the cast stop by often, but Jensen continues to watch Misha, waiting for the day that he will finally open his eyes again.

The doctors have told him that Misha is in a self-induced coma. That his mind shut down as his body works to repair the damage. They were both hurt a lot more than Jensen ever thought. Producers come in to talk to him, letting him know that the season has been put on hold until he’s feeling up to shooting again. That the fans have been notified and there have been letters and cards flooding in ever since with good wishes. Jensen just nods to what everyone says, listening but not really hearing. He tries to pay attention but has problems. Sometimes he just wishes that everyone would go away, days when his head pounds so hard he thinks his brain is trying to squeeze itself out of his eyes. The doctors tell him he will most likely have the occasional migraine for the rest of his life, but that’s something he can deal with.

The day comes when he is finally able to be released. His family comes to the hospital, trying to talk him into coming home with them. He shakes his head though and walks over to Jared, knowing that his friend will understand what he needs to do.

“Ok if I stay with you? I know it’s a lot to ask of you and Gen…”

“Of course you can stay with us so shut up.” Jared cuts him off, smiling softly as he wraps his arms around his friend. “Gen won’t mind, you know that.” Jensen blinks away the tears that start to sting his eyes, grateful for his friend.

“Go,” Jared pulls away and starts pushing Jensen back to the room he has shared with Misha for a few weeks now. “Go sit with Misha for a while, I’ll come pick you back up later.” Jensen gives Jared a relieved smile, glad he has someone who knows everything without ever being told.

Jensen slowly limps back to the room, marveling how big it now seems without the extra bed in it. Jared had been the one to insist that they share a room, knowing that Jensen would want to be close to his friend. Jensen finds his way to the overly stuffed chair that sits near the bed and slowly reaches forward to take hold of Misha’s hand.

It’s the one day that Misha’s wife hasn’t been around. Jared had finally convinced her that she needed to go get some sleep and spend some time with West. He was the best when it came to these types of situations; he was always calm and got people to do what they needed to do, even if they didn’t want to. Sam wasn’t good at working those puppy eyes for no reason.

The next few weeks passed in a blur as Jensen moved between the hospital and Jared and Gen’s home. Misha’s wife and he slowly talk more and more as they spend time with each other by Misha’s side. The doctors are hopeful that Misha will wake up and not have any complications, but Jensen worries more and more every day that passes without seeing those blue eyes.

“He cares about you, you know...” Vicki whispers from across the bed. “He’s talked about it a bit, but I think he doesn’t want to hurt me. Not that him having a man-crush has ever been something he didn’t want to discuss before.”

Jensen looks over at her. Misha’s sexuality had been something of a running joke on set. The man could chase after everything that he deemed looked good enough and Jensen always found it strange that someone could be that ok with themselves. If Misha was ok with himself though, that was all that mattered in Jensen’s mind. He just couldn’t imagine ever being that way…

“I don’t know what your views on bisexuality are Jensen, but it’s something that Misha and I both are and it’s something that we are proud to be.” She locks eyes with Jensen, giving him a steely gaze. “Please, whatever happens, don’t ever hurt him. If you don’t share his feelings, that’s fine, but just don’t hurt him...” her voice trails off as she goes back to staring at her husband.

Jensen doesn’t know what to say and decides that silence is the best thing for both of them right now. How does he feel for this man? He is starting to realize that whatever he does feel is more than just feelings you feel towards a friend.

He just doesn’t know if different is good…

~*~

Jensen parks his car in the garage next to the hospital and makes his way inside. After checking in at the front desk, he finds his way through the maze of hallways and elevators until he finally arrives outside of room 1463. The hospital moved Misha to a more permanent room a few days ago and it is already covered in drawings by West as well as cards from fans and family. Vicki decided that she needed to take the day and go clean the house and get some shopping done. Jensen was happy that she was; spending so much time at the hospital, away from her son, was starting to eat at her and she needed to get back into some sort of routine.

Jensen takes up his usual spot next to his friend and reaches out to take his hand. Filming for the show has started back up but Jensen’s heart just hasn’t been in it. There have been talks of canceling the season and just starting up again in the summer, something that Jensen figures is probably going to happen. Castiel is a major part of the season that they are filming and there is just no way to film it without Misha.

“Hey Mish,” Jensen murmurs, reaching up to move a lock of hair that has fallen out of place. “Look…I uh…shit…” Sighing heavily, Jensen shifts uncomfortably in the seat, trying to figure out how to voice his thoughts.

“I…Uh…I miss you Mish…” he says softly, the words coming easier. “I really wish you would wake up... Being on set just isn’t the same. Your family misses you, everyone on the show misses you…”

Jensen tries to keep going but suddenly feels angry. Angry that the producers did not check out the building before sending them in to shoot. Angry that he couldn’t sort out his feelings...

Angry at Misha for leaving him with these feelings that he didn’t know how to sort out.

“Please man, just wake up...” he voice sounds harsh, giving life to the anger that is welling up inside of him. “You make me feel this way, whatever this is, and then just leave me. I need you to come back Mish, I need you to help me! Please just WAKE UP!”

Tears are running down Jensen’s face, fast and hot as he continues to stare at the closed eyes. “Please Mish…” He voice returns to a whisper. “Please just….Wake up….” His head drops and he finally lets go of the sobs he has been holding on to for the past two months.

His whole body racks and heaves as he finally releases everything he has been holding back on. He feels the blanket beneath him grow wet as his tears cover it. The rest of the world disappears and it is just Jensen crying over his friend, who may never wake up again, damn what the doctors say.

His sobs finally slow down, but Jensen’s head stays where it had fallen, pillowed by Misha’s thigh. His breathing slowly returns to normal and he feels the tracks from his tears drying on his face.

A few minutes later that his brain finally recognizes that there is something touching his head, running through his hair. Not daring to breathe, Jensen slowly raises his head and his eyes trail over the frail body before him before finally connecting with the blue eyes that he drowns in every night when he goes to bed. His heart starts racing as his brain blocks out everything but those eyes. He can no longer feel Misha's slender fingers running through his hair, can’t hear the beeping of the machines, or the sounds of people entering the room. He can only feel the burning, aching feeling in his heart as it spreads to the rest of his body.

“Hey Jen…”

The voice is soft and gruff from not being used, but it’s the voice that Jensen remembers clear as day. Jensen’s lips slowly pull back into a wide grin as he reaches up to cup Misha’s face in his hand.

“Hey Mish,” Jensen whispers as he leans towards Misha and finally feels his lips connect with Misha’s, never taking his eyes off the piercing blue ones in front of him.

**Author's Note:**

> Be kind, it's my first Cockles ;)


End file.
